Amari ni Utsukushii
by Kyou-kun no Onigiri
Summary: Kyou has to tell Tohru how he feels, but he can't find a way to say it. One shot


Disclaimer:  I do not own Fruits Basket, nor do I own any of the characters.  I'm making no money, so please don't sue!

"You're volunteering?  Where?"

"At the hospital.  They're not going to have me do nursing or anything like that, but people who are in there are always in need of moral support.  And it's not just the patients, either.  There was a really kind woman who looked out for me while I sat up there with Mom.  She helped pull me through, along with Uo and Hana.  This is sort of my way of paying her back."  The look on your face as you say this is beatific, as it always is when you talk about your mother.  A look that's so joyful and still so sad, the sort of look that makes someone like me wish they could be loved like that, by someone like you.  I could spend years looking at that face, and never get tired of it.

"Miss Honda, you never fail to amaze me.  You really are a beautiful person."

You immediately start to protest when he says this, blushing at your plate, an expression almost as pretty as the one you had on before.  Once again, he's swept you off your feet; one more point for the kuso nezumi.  I tear my eyes away from you to stare at my own dish, then set my chopsticks down and rise to leave.  "Kyou?  You're not going to finish?  But I made salmon tonight..." The note of disappointment in your voice doesn't escape me, but I don't turn around.  I don't need his eyes boring into mine, giving me that faint look of triumph that says he's a prince, and I'm an ass.  I don't need him telling me what I know all too well.

                        *                      *                      *                      *                      *

"When the moment is right, you'll sense it.  You won't need to think about it, you'll just do what you are meant to do."  Kazuma used to say that to me when I was training.  All I had to do was be prepared to act when the time came.  The most important lesson he tried to teach me, and it still hasn't sunk in.  I'm just too careless, I guess.  I get so caught up thinking about finally decking that goddamned rat, and about what will happen if I can't, that the moment passes me by, and then I'm standing there, totally oblivious to the fact that he's about to knock me flat for the hundredth time in a row.  Every time, I try to be more aware, to be ready when everything falls into place, and every time I get distracted, and what I want moves further beyond my reach.

It's the same when I look at you.  

There have been so many times I should have told you how I feel, a thousand perfect opportunities just like that one, but I can't.  When I'm around you, I'm under a spell, and everything I want to say is lost.  And unlike Yuki, I've never been good enough with words to know what I ought to say even if I were to try.  When I see him with you, I don't give a damn about the curse or Akito.  He can recite poetry staring into your eyes when I can't manage even a complete sentence—and that, above everything else, is why I hate him.  It's like he steals the words right out of my mouth; anything I think, or see, or feel, he puts into words for you, so there's nothing left for me to do but sulk up here on the roof like an idiot, staring off at the horizon.

"Kyou?"  I jump when I hear your voice, even though I should have known you'd come looking for me.  "I brought some rice balls, in case you still wanted some food.  I hope you don't mind that I used the leftovers."

"No, that's fine," I say as you climb up off the ladder, scooting over beside me with the plate of food in your hands.  You offer it to me, and I set it across my knees and begin to eat.  I should say something about your plans, about how amazing _I_ find you.  At least I could thank you for making me food, something I always forget.  But with you so sitting so close to me, as near as the curse will allow, I can't find the courage.  Instead, I fill my mouth with rice ball after rice ball, so I won't have to speak.

"Wow, you really were hungry!"  You smile and lean forward, clasping your knees to your chest, glancing up at the sky.  "Oh, look at that sunset!  Isn't it pretty?"  I follow your gaze; in my typical fit of self-pity, I hadn't bothered to notice the way it looked.  You continue, slowly, "When I was little, Mom and I used to sit on her bed and look out at the sunsets.  She said she liked them because they reminded her some things in this world are just too wonderful for words, things you can't describe without losing some of their beauty."  I turn my eyes to you, but you are still intent upon the dusky clouds, and several moments pass before you notice my attention and begin to blush, mumbling, "I guess if you've finished, I'd better take this back to the kitchen."  You get up, and start to take the plate from me, but I grab your wrist.  If there ever was a moment to tell you, it's now, here, with no Yuki to interfere, no Shigure to tease.  "Kyou?"  You kneel beside me, waiting for me to say something, but I know I can't.  Instead, I gently place my hands on your face and lean close, claiming your lips in the most tender of kisses.  

This is how I have to tell you.  I can't be Yuki, with his perfect speeches; I can't be Shigure and write these things down.  I can only be Kyou, and as I pull away from the kiss, as you smile at me in that half-embarrassed, half pleased way, I know you understand.  Some things are just too beautiful for words.

Author's note:  Thanks for reading this far; this is my first fic, and I'm hoping it passes inspection.  I know it's short, but I wanted to do a brief exploration of Kyou's character, before I tried to take on longer projects.  Please review—I can't fix what I don't know I'm doing wrong!  ^_^


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